“We all want to live the life we wish we had.”
Growing up is a game of pick and choose. It’s a matter of priorities. When it comes to hobbies, passions, friends, work… All are just choices to fit in the limited hours of a single day.
The act of giving up is something that all of us have done, probably countless times. That time when you gave up enjoyable playtime for those extra lessons. Or that time when you gave up the guitar because simple practices were too repetitive and boring. Or maybe that time when you gave up on your dream because reality was just this one big immovable wall that your small self could not even make a crack let alone push through.
You gave up on many things in life because it was not “right”. Playing basketball all day will not give you a career path if you are only 1m7 tall. Holding a camera and running around the city does not guarantee a glamorous red carpet life of the superstars. Chasing and loving a girl does not mean that your parents will support your marriage.
It is easy to say encouraging words like “chase your dreams” or “don’t give up” but reality is often disappointing. There are reasons why only so many of us are able to live the lives like in the movies.
It’s hard to push yourself to make art everyday if it doesn’t put food on the table. Even if you foolishly tell yourself that it’s okay you can make it work, the burn will come sooner or later. You had that stubborn voice in your head. Or maybe you still do. “I’m special”, “Imma do my own thing”, “I can do both”.
Maybe you got slingshot from your life onto a path that was never part of your initial intention. It might be an accident, it might be a deliberate act resulting from inescapable circumstances. Nevertheless, you are stuck with it now.
Life is funny like that. I say that as if I have all the knowledge of the world. But this is coming from a 25 years-old kid who just barely stepped into “life” as adults like to call it. It is funny that the previous generation seemed so put together. They knew what they had to do. I do not want to use the word “want” because I believe that in many cases, the situation forced our moms and dads, uncles and aunts to carry out a certain course of actions in their lives. They had less choices. We, the younger generation, have more. But that is for another debate.
At this point, you might ask yourself: “Why write such depressing things?” But in all of my intentions, I truly do think of giving up in a more positive light than I let on. Growing up means giving up or letting go of certain things, sometimes important things. But that does not necessarily mean that the act itself is terrible in all cases.
I think the thing easiest to give up is time. Time to sleep, time to hang out with friends, time for yourself. In this case it’s hard to say if it’s for better or worse. But I believe that it’s all a matter of exchange. You exchange your health for more knowledge. You exchange relaxation for more money. In the long run, the investments might be worth it, it might not be. The important thing is that you do not regret what you have chosen.
You have given up on following many of your dreams growing. When you were little, maybe you wanted to be a businessman. But then realized that you’re too honest for that kind of work. You can’t bargain, you buy things at normal price, you value people way more money. So then you wanted to become a chef. But this is is just stupid since what you really wanted was just to eat. In high school, you might have been stupidly passionate about basketball. But your height is only modest and sport skills only a little bit above average so a pro career is way out of your league.
But of course you gave up on all of those things quite easily really. Since they were totally unrealistic in all aspects. Even you realized that. But then you found something that you truly wants to follow. For some of us, the things we desire align with our paths in life. However, in many cases, it is rarely so.
You found a love for art. But your family does not have anyone in the industry. The Asian culture itself does not support an “art career” since in our language the words “art” and “career” don’t even go together. So you push on, stubbornly, trying to balance both. There were hard times, there were trying times. But nevertheless, you stayed up late, you fought against your parents to the bitter end so that you can turn your passion into a job. You were depressed, you were sad, you felt as though the world was against you.
And then you realized, if you have grit and a plan. Then even if you have doubt, things will work out. Not immediately, but eventually. So you chose to give up temporarily. Sure you still do the occasional piece of art, but a career right now is out of reach and you have accepted that. You still do your day job while accumulating knowledge, experience, world views. You still keep the dream deep inside your heart. Because life is long, you can go the distance, the things you do now only serve to propel you further. You gave up to actually carry on. You only let go of the stubborn notion of immediate success. The important thing is still in your heart.
It is fortunate for you to have found your passion. And for those of you who have not, I wish you luck in your search. Not many of us manage to realize what you truly love in our lifetimes. Only to regret it at our deathbeds. You should appreciate that you have not only find one thing you love from the bottom of your heart. But you managed to find two. You actually found a passion and a muse.
But like many things in life, circumstances seem to stand between you and what you truly desire. You felt it from the moment you started. It will not be easy. But you started anyway. You went on a hard path. A path that no one has walked, carrying the burden of society, of family, of your own thoughts. You do think that all sweet things in life must be earned. No triumphant victory is easily achieved. Despite knowing that, you still chose to give up at this time.
You realize at this point in life that everything is much more complicated. Or might be because your own thoughts are convoluted so you are lost. You gave up on your passion to continue at a later time. But for your muse, it is not that simple since time is now not only for you but affects both of you. You talked about giving up as if you reached a simple conclusion, an enlightenment when sitting under an oak tree. But that is never the case. For all that tough and philosophical talk, you are soft at heart. Letting go was the most difficult action in your life. And the more you love something, the harder it is for you to let go, even if only temporarily.
When you were little, you used to live with your aunts every summer vacation. You loved your aunts. And every time you had to leave only for 2 days of the weekend to go back with your parents, you would cry your eyes out. You have always been an emotional kid and have never changed. You might have been through a ton of training, gone to different countries, experienced all kind of intense hardship,… but at heart, you have always been soft.
You laugh more to hide the wounds and ignore the pain. You learn new things to forget the lingering sadness. You meet new people to try to justify leaving the old…
You have doubts. And that is unavoidable. So you give up to find more definite answers. It is hard to know about life when you have never known about all the options, all the paths you could have walked. You let go so you can wander. At heart, you still hold onto the same old things, the same old values. When you see art, you still feel a fire. When you see old pictures, you still feel an ache.
Even though you know that giving up is a necessary temporary act, you still feel a searing tear at your heart. But you know that it’s a decision to make. You know that you need to do it. Because more so than the searing tear in your heart, you know you wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if you have a big regret weighing down on you. Other burdens you could live with. But the burden of not being able to see your muse smile and you being the center of it is the fear that will consume you if you cannot clear your own doubts.
You silently wish that your muse , like your passion, would wait for you. But part of you also wish that they would give up on you. If you had no talent, then you would not wish for a career in art. If you had no love, then you would have no burden to bear. But then again, having talent and love is in itself, one of the biggest joys to have.
We all wish to walk in a straight path to the thing that we desire. But life is not simple . So it is important sometimes to give up on the path to wander around so that you can find another way to the treasure that we desire. Whatever that maybe…
I hope that you can find your path
And that I can find mine
So that our hearts may cross
To follow a straight line
Even though at odds
We would reply in kind
Unwavering thoughts
And never-ending shine
I only wish you what I think is the best. But that might not be the best in your opinion. However, I hope that you understand and find joy in the everyday. I’m fine regardless. I’m soft but not easy to break. And I wish you would be the same.
To you, my passion.
To you, my muse.
To you, my self at 25.
We are all Miguel even though we wish to be Miles… But I believe we all have the capacity to do our own thing. So that one day, I can do both. So that one day, I can find my own path back to you.
2756 + 16
To you, my thoughts 